Why do I cough every time I stick a cotton bud in my right ear but not in my left?

Ear, listen up bud! We've cottoned on to what you're saying and whilst we're certainly not Doctors and have no medical background at all, in our humble opinion this is simply because you're a fool. Our view is that you should stick nothing smaller than your elbow in your ear.

This guy's taking 'ear bud' a bit too literally for our liking.