Do you have any advice on how to overcome my anxiety and shyness in social situations? I have seen self help books on the subject but not sure they are worth the money.
You must have been wondering what had happened to us but oddly your question had us stumped for some time. Little Miss Shy explains it best!
Once we'd thawed from our carbonite stasis we realised what had happened! Your question raised our adrenaline and anxiety so much so that our attention locked on ourselves rather than your request! Why? Well we think it's because if it were a truly dangerous situation (which is what this response evolved for) it would be no good if we just drifted off and started thinking about what was for dinner!
You see, a major part of social anxiety is self consciousness. This can be significantly alleviated by intently focusing on somebody else. A fascination with another's conversation (even if faked at first) not only increases comfort levels, it also makes the other person feel more interesting; thereby convincing them that they like you more. In turn, this should help you feel more relaxed.
Self consciousness hinders socialising by preventing you from focusing on what you need to focus on: the topic of conversation. The finest social situations are those in which you actually forget about yourself and become focused outwardly on others and what is taking place. This is a skill that can be practised and developed, until it feels like second nature. Imagine being the other person and check how you would feel if you were in their position. Increasing your empathy for others can reduce your self-consciousness.
Some common techniques to assist you in becoming calmer include self-hypnosis, tai chi and meditation. Once you're calmer, it is easier to shift your focus when you need to. Learn to purposefully control your focus of attention by practising switching it on a day to day basis. This can be integrated into daily life; focus on one thing as tightly as possible, then switch quickly to something else (whether objects, thoughts or ideas).
A final word of advice is to not focus on 'shyness' and 'anxiety' but focus on 'confidence'. Applying the law of attraction, this should allow you to attract more confidence into your life. Listen carefully to the messages you're giving yourself, re-train your thought patterns by telling yourself everyday that you're faqing fantastic! Now, go and enjoy the faqing party!!!
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1 comment:
That is definitely something to think about. The thought of focusing outward completely to take the focus of your own anxiety is so simplistic, but rarely considered. When focusing on others, you can't help but to forget about your own discomfort level. And as you said, when people feel that you are truly interested in them, it will make you that much more attractive and someone they would like to get to know. Simple, yet brilliant.
Definitely 4 stars
Dina
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