September 2010

Job Loss - Need Fast Cash

I need a way to make extra cash. I just received a layoff notice. How can I keep paying my bills?

Redundancy

We would send our faqing condolences as being laid off rarely feels good - but we don't want to do that! Our advice is rather than regarding this as a problem, consider it an opportunity. This may not be easy at first and may require a change of attitude and mindset, but you've made the best start by FAQing us!

Ok, so 'fast cash' - this is difficult to achieve without an appearance from the loan sharks, elusive lotto win or inheritance. In short, there is unlikely to be a quick fix, so let's focus on getting the right solution rather than the 'fast' solution.

Our advice is to be proactive in finding another job, overhaul your CV (make sure it contains your most up-to-date experience, qualifications and professional training) network (use your old contacts and make new ones in your chosen industries), get voluntary work (don't act redundant - voluntary employment opens new opportunities). Most of all, get yourself out there! Act like you're still a full-time worker by rising early and using your time wisely. Consider signing on for any benefit entitlement in the short-term - your local Job Centre should assist with this. If you have debts, think about accessing the Citizen's Advice Bureau as they'll be able to help you to put a debt management plan in place. DO NOT bury your head - DO make sure you're upfront about your position - both with yourself and others who can help you.

Us FAQers ADORE The Money Saving Expert, who has heaps of top ideas from supermarket savings...to hosting foreign students...to renting out your home for a film shoot... Join the forums, there are thousands of friendly faqers in exactly your position, most of whom are more than willing to help. Follow this link for 50+ ways to boost your income.

If worse comes to worst, see our other career advice page. Do keep your humour, that'll see you through. With the right attitude, we're confident you'll soon turn this around. All the faqing best to you x

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I am destined to be single forever

My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend moved in with us as she needed space from her boyfriend...since then she has broken up with her boyfriend and I have been feeling uneasy about how my boyfriend is around her. Today I confronted him and it has come out he does love her, so we have split up...now I am destined to be single forever cause I am a fat ugly biatch. Any advice?

Moving on

Move on, treat yourself to something you've wanted for a while, occupy yourself with activities that were previously frowned upon or you felt you couldn't do. Go on a journey, catch up with friends and family, enrol in a new class or hobby. Basically, do stuff that you really enjoy and know this - at the end of the day it's his loss and you are perfectly capable of having a good time without him. Before you know it, your positivity and happiness will be very evident to both yourself and others. Nothing attracts bees like a genuine honey and if you do see or hear from your ex just tell him to buzz off.

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If you FAQers could go back to one decade or even century what would it be and why?

Given my penchant for chivalry, honour, dedication and fascination for military matters, I don't think I'd be out of place as a courageous Knight or Lord during medieval times, just as my ancestors were...

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Sims Language

I love playing the Sims games on PC, but it's got me thinking. When they speak, what language is it and do the words actually mean anything, or is it just gibberish?

The Sims

Image credit: http://uk.pc.gamespy.com

The language of The Sims is called Simlish and was initially inspired by experimenting with the Navajo language spoken by the native code talkers of World War II. However, the designers thought that a real language would make it sound too repetitive and would also be too costly to hire translators for world languages.

It developed into "gibberish" based on fractured versions of Ukrainian, French, Latin, Finnish, English and Tagalog. It's not meant to be understood as the designers wanted words left open to the interpretation and imagination of the player.

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Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Sunscreen joke

Image credit: www.myspace.com/gregkewers

Melanie, Melanie it's all to do with Melanin.

Sun darkens skin because it triggers the production of melanin, a brownish-black pigment that helps filter out harmful ultraviolet rays. It lightens hair because the UV light triggers the breakdown of these selfsame melanin molecules into simpler and evidently less colourful compounds.

The exact mechanism by which this is accomplished is not as clear as it might be. "The ionic pathway probably begins by nucleophilic attack of the peroxide anion on the o-quinone grouping," says one medical text, clearly written by the kind of faqer you wouldn't want to be stuck in a corner at a party.

The melanin in both skin and hair is meant to protect the other tissue, but in skin it's renewed (and thus the skin gets darker) whereas in hair it's not, since hair is no longer living.

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When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

Smurf

Image credit: www.getthebigpicture.net/blog

There's no small debate about this particular FAQ.

Many think they turn purple, green or white under duress. However, we decided to conduct our own experiments on the wee blue men and women. We're not called FAQers for nothing.

Our results showed that they physically stay blue and even managed to turn the air the same colour. Under the assumption their blood (we're not that cruel) is red like ours any form of oxygen deprivation resulting in the production of deoxyhemoglobin would not show.

In us, the colour of deoxyhemoglobin in our blood is light brown and it's only the collagen in the walls of our vessels and skin that makes it appear blue.

Note from the Smurfane Society:
Please be advised no Smurfs were harmed in the making of this FAQ.

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What's so beautiful about a beauty mark?

Mole

Image credit: www.animalgifts4u.co.uk

What indeed? Seems to us that at times, people's reactions have been akin to making a mountain out of a mole hill. Our first reaction was to go ask our good friend, Mole, of Riverside bank, Wind in the Willows, but he, Ratty and Badger were chasing weasels out of Toad Hall at the time.

A shame but we did find from another source the following:

A beauty mark or beauty spot is a dark facial mole, so named because such moles have at times been considered an attractive feature. For a mole to be considered a "beauty mark" it is generally less than a centimeter across and not protuberant or polypoid. Medically, such "beauty marks" are generally melanocytic nevus, more specifically the compound variant. Moles of this type may also be located elsewhere on the body, and may also be considered beauty marks if located on the shoulder, neck or breast.

False beauty marks are sometimes applied to the face as a form of make-up. Beauty marks were particularly highly regarded during the eighteenth century and creating false ones became common, often in fanciful shapes such as hearts or stars. They could be purchased as silk or velvet patches known as "mouches" (flies).

In the twentieth century Marilyn Monroe's beauty mark generated a new vogue. Musician Prince is iconic for several of his beauty marks, and helped make it common for men in the twentieth century. In recent years, fashion model Cindy Crawford's prominent mole has helped revive the fashion.

They also say that moles on the front of body denote good fortune, on the back indicate burden.

Hey look there's Mole. "What do you think of all this?" we say. Mole blinks a bit, opens his mouth and just LOLs at us.

Hmph, he's no Prince Charming! Goes to show folks, beauty is only skin deep.

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The best way to make tea?

So many people like a nice cup of tea, but everyone likes it made differently. With sugar, without sugar, milk, no milk, from a teapot or straight into a mug, milk in before the hot water or after. What is the best way to make tea?

Cup of tea

Image credit: www.freefoto.com/preview/?ffid=09-04-18

Our team of FAQers surveyed from east to west, north to south for the answer to this, then one day we received an invitation to Buckingham Palace. Unbelievable we thought, who better an authority on tea than our illustrious and longest serving monarch; Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II and her consort His Royal Highness Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.

Unfortunately, as we waited to meet them, one of our FAQers decided to jump into one of the beds naked. Having been forcibly removed and thrown into the dungeons of the London Tower, the only saving grace was that our naughty FAQer had managed to leave their camcorder hidden and recording.

A few days later one of the butlers managed to sneak it back to us. Cheers Paul, this is what we heard and saw:-

Queen & Prince Philip

Image credit: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxApyFKDQAQ

Prince Philip: "Well.. goodnight old sausage"

The Queen: "Haven't you forgotten something, Philly?"

Prince Philip: "Oh...do I have to?!"

The Queen: "I'd rather you did"

Prince Philip: "Ehhh...could we not tonight, I'm rather tired"

The Queen: "Ohhww you know I always look forward to it"

Prince Philip: "Ohh...alright then"

The Queen: "Good..and don't forget to wear the hat"

Prince Philip exclaims "One more time!", puts his Captain's hat on, reaches over to the side-table and grabs a tray containing the essentials for making tea.

He goes to pour the water from the kettle into a teapot...

The Queen: "Philly? Did One make sure the water was freshly drawn and is still boiling? One gets the most flavour from the tea that way"

Prince Philip: "Yes dear.."

He continues to pour boiling water into the teapot..

The Queen: "One did warm that teapot first and put a teaspoon of loose tea -one for each plus one for the pot? No teabags one hopes?"

Prince Philip: "Ehh...course I did all that you silly sausage"

Prince Philip stirs the tea once or twice...

The Queen: "There, that's been 1-2 minutes to brew (3-5 if teabags), it's ready now"

Prince Philip: "Ehhh...right then" and pours the tea into the cups already containing some milk. He puts away the tray and gives one to the Queen. Slurping noises can be heard.

The Queen: "Mmmm, ohh, ohh! Ahhhh......that was wonderful, Philly..."

Prince Philip: "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

So there you go, you can't beat how to make a Royal cup of tea, we wouldn't take the biscuit would we?

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Do zebras get seasick?

Seasick zebras

Yes. Zebras get seasick (and not just when they see the pelicans crossing, boom boom). But, faqing lousy joke aside, it's not as black and white as that.

You'll breath a sigh of relief to know that when you're next standing beside a pair of nauseous zebras on board the ark, you'll be free from any foul seasick spray as seasick Zebras cannot vomit.

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Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

Beautiful Butterfly

Image credit: http://geoffwilsher.com

FAQ of the week

Once upon a time, there lived a cute, furry caterpillar called Chloe. She lived in the trees, loved to munch leaves and was content unless someone mentioned body waxing.

One day, as she happily inched her way around her favourite stalking point, her pretty antennae started twitching in disgust. "Eeurggh!!" She exclaimed, "what is that smell?!!" Oh no, she thought, I recognise that cruddy caterpillar cologne! It was her Ex trying to impress and nibble some young daisy.

This so upset her that she gathered up her many dainty legs and crept away to a place where nobody could find or disturb her. Deciding she wanted to shut herself off from the world, she cocooned herself in silk with a nice mug of hot chocolate.

Day dreaming away, lost in thought, time passed swiftly. Suddenly, she realised she was late for an important appointment. Fluttering in haste from her crystallised cot she set off. As she flapped towards her rendezvous, her senses picked up various scents, the wind and nectar. Ah yes the party was in progress!

Just as she was about to drop in, an awful whiff reached her! Not again! She distinctly remembered that faqing fragrance from before! Her Ex! With a twitch of her antennae, she chaotically fluttered off. She flew up, up and away to less whiffy lands and lived happily ever after.

The End.

So kids, the moral of this hairy tale is don't buy cheap caterpillar cologne, beautiful butterflies will remember!

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What's the best type of cake?

Cake/

Image credit: www.exclusivelyfood.com.au

We FAQers love our cake although we're not too keen on the soap or lava varieties.

The best type is moist, warm, slightly firm yet crumbles to the touch. HEY! Stop drooling and glazing over! We're talking about cake here. Behave!

Carrot cake, Victoria sponge (if done well) even chocolate (if not too intense) tickles our fancy but our favourite has to be a good portion of Lemon Drizzle! Mmmm.

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What's your favourite time of day?

Eggtimer

Image credit: www.timercentral.com/best-egg-timer

Easy one this!

Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Supper time!

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How many rolos can the average man fit in his mouth?

Image credit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rolo

Advertised with the slogan "Do you love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo?" you'd have to be completely head over heels with the guy to even consider this!

Still the course of true love can often be bizarre so I reckon an average man could manage to fit about 30 or so rolos (3 packets) in his mouth.

I warn you though, it won't be a pretty sight and could turn your heart's desire into a repulsive mire.

Of course this could be a deliberate ploy to stop his incessant whinging. If so, well done, get yourself a Bounty bar and head off to silent paradise!

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What is your opinion of men in cardigans?

Grandad cardigan

Image credit: www.urbandarling.com

It's a dilemma; do you wrestle him to the ground, take it off him and burn it to save his dignity or do you ask if he'd like a pipe and slippers to go with it?

We actually love men in cardigans, or mannigans as they've been named. You must be under 35 (and dishy) or over 60 (and haggard) though. It is very easy to go wrong.

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Will it be a nice winter?

If you mean will we enjoy the winter months, it depends on your outlook. Will you be frosty to the idea of short days, long nights, cold, blustery rain and possible snow showers? Or will you see it as the time to snuggle up to the fire in a cosy duvet to drink wine and eat chocolate? It's all a matter of attitude given our northern latitude.

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Would you rather be attacked by a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

Horse-sized Duck

Image credit: www.tranceaddict.com

We'd rather not be attacked at all and we'd do our best to placate the angry equine ornithological beast by giving it sugar lumps the size of hay bales, apples the size of barrels and if that failed then run it a hot bath.

Yes, if we had to choose, it would have to be the horse-sized duck. It's easier to run away from one freaky animal than a hundred!

Neigh....quack off!

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When someone gets cramp in their foot why do the small toes cross and why is it so painful?

Image credit: www.drugsupplystore.com

Owww! Just thinking about this made our toes curl but not to be deterred we pirouetted away to find out!

Did you know having a second toe longer than your first toe means you're a good kisser? Or you are more likely to be a criminal, or part of a royal family. You can also get a pinky toe tuck which involves removing fat from the pinky toe to make it look longer?!

Often caused by muscle fatigue or a sodium imbalance, cramps are painful sensations caused by muscle contraction or over shortening. It's this muscle contraction that can pull your toes to the side and cross another. This builds lactic acid in the muscles, that then triggers pain receptors in the area, causing the feeling of pain.

Toe cramps are thought to be mainly caused either by moving the toes too much or by overly constricting them. Dancers who flex their toes and dance en pointe are prone to toe cramps, as are people who wear shoes that don't allow much room at the tips. The area at the tip of a shoe in which the toes fit is called a toe box. Shoes with toe boxes that are too pointed or rounded at the tips may be too constricting and cause wearers to be susceptible to toe cramps.

Diabetics or others with nerve damage in the feet are also susceptible to toe cramp problems. Some medications may cause toe cramps as a side effect. Another possible cause of toe cramps is a lack of minerals, such as calcium and potassium, in the body. Dehydration is another body problem that could cause cramping toes.

Toe cramps usually aren't anything serious, but they can be painful. Placing an ice pack on the toes may help relieve the pain of a toe cramp. Keeping the toes flexible may also help. Some people do toe exercises, such as trying to pick up small objects like pens off of the floor with their toes. Others may find that this type of activity may actually cause them to have a toe cramp.

Further suggestions for prevention are:

Don't wear heels, or the day before wear flats or very low heels.
Take calcium, potassium, and magnesium supplements. Eating at least one yogurt per day or even 3 bananas helps.
Keep your feet warm. Feet cramp more when they're cold.

Alternatively, you could always ask your favourite FAQer to kiss your toes better!

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If nobody buys a ticket to a movie, do they still show it?

Movie Cinema

The sky was overcast, the car park deserted as a shadowy figure strode purposely towards the large complex and welcoming darkness beyond.

The mission: to avoid detection, select an OP (observation point), conduct a static surveillance and determine whether the objective (feature) will still show. Carrying specialist equipment and supplies designed to blend in with the target environment, they looked to the casual observer remarkably like a pair of 3D glasses, a box of popcorn and a large paper cup of fizzy pop. A very clever disguise indeed.

As eyes adjusted to the near pitch black gloom, the agent made his way to the back row and took up a central position. Fortunately he hadn't been spotted during the infiltration exercise. After an equipment diagnostic involving a munch of some "popcorn" (explosive taste analysis) and a slurp of pop (solution verification check) the agent activated the 3D glasses and began scanning his surroundings in a pre-arranged pattern for hostile forces.

Not long after, a lone Tango was spotted! Had it seen him?! A few minutes of intense scrutiny ensued for signs of recognition or aggression. It became apparent that it was an empty threat with it's lethal straw weapon inoperative due to it having been disabled (bent). Phew!

Suddenly, lights flashed on the screen and strange booming noises emanated around the auditorium - was the agent under attack?! Burrowing further into his OP (seat), the agent made himself as small a target as possible. Ahh...it was the arrival of the objective! So it was true! The feature (movie) does still show if nobody buys a ticket!

Suddenly a look of horror and realisation appeared on the agent's face as a terrible picture revealed itself. 'AARRRGGHH!! OH NOOO!! ANYTHING BUT THIS!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS KIND OF TORTURE!' he screamed as he fled flailing his arms around his head as fast as he could away from the horrific scene.

What could it be that terrified him so?! Yes folks, our poor agent had witnessed the horror of another chick flick starring Julia Roberts.

The End

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Is it better to dad-dance than not dance at all?

Dad Dancing

It most certainly is! Faqing fandango! Dancing is great for the soul and gives you a jazzy, youthful spring.

We say, let go and have fun. Don't worry what you look like. Dancing is fab for your health; cha-cha-ing moments and hip hop moves can ease away tensions and stress, increase your energy and improve your muscle tone. Dancing provides the perfect balance between aerobic exercise and social activity. Research indicates that it is even linked to a lower risk of dementia. So although you may look like a dad, you'll be thinking like a fresh, buoyant young man! (er or lady!)

Foxtrot, ballroom, belly, salsa, square, or street. Yes you can can dad-dance away! Brighten up your day and everyone else's!

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Are there any life forms other than on earth?

E.T.

The search for extraterrestrial life has fascinated humans since ancient times. Defined as life that does not originate from our planet Earth, many scientists think that life exists or has existed elsewhere. Indeed, Stephen Hawking and Carl Sagan have endorsed the argument that it is improbable for it not to exist elsewhere given the vast size of the observable universe.

In FAQ I'll let you into a little secret...I'm often accused of not being from this planet. What more proof do you need?!

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Is it good to smoke marijuana when you go to school?

No it's not faqing good. Marijuana affects judgment, perception and memory. The drug can make you mess up in school, in sports or clubs, or with your friends. If you're high on marijuana, you are more likely to make stupid mistakes that could embarrass or even hurt you.

If you use marijuana a lot, you could start to lose interest in how you look and how you're getting along at school or work. Neither will be good for your popularity. You'll risk being stinky, ugly and thick. Also, since marijuana use can affect thinking and judgment, users can forget to have safe sex and possibly expose themselves to HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Be a responsible student; faqing behave!

Ask Frank

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Is facebook on its way out?

Yes it's being replaced by a far superior site.
You may know it.

It's called www.justfaqme.com

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What's your favourite joke?

A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes a blank form and writes: 'Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof.'

The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog: 'There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price.'

The dog looks confused and replies, 'But that would make no sense at all.'

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Do you like hats?

Top hat, Turban, Fez,
Feathered headdress, Beret, Chef's hat,
Busby, Bonnet, Crown,
Bandana, Visor, flat cap,

Riding hood, Helmet, Behive,
Trilby, Kiss-me-quick hat,
Cloche, Kippah, Wimple,
And best of all, the night cap!

Just call us the mad hatters! We faqing love hats!

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What makes someone left or right handed, is it something genetic or just personal preference and comfort?

Giant Hands

Image credit: www.usdat.us/secretary/archives/2006/09/

In 1996, a study to determine handedness within 1700 Dutch families containing a pair of twins was undertaken to see if genetic inheritance had a bearing. I won't bore you with all the details but suffice to say they looked Double Dutch to me.

It showed that 25% of the twins born to two left hand parents became left handed and the same again if one parent was left handed and the other right handed, particularly if the mother was left handed too.

One other theory is that society often encourages naturally left handed people to adopt right handed habits, which masks the true number of leftys. A study on 687 Ohio State University student families discovered half of the children from a left hand to left hand marriage were left handed.

So it is difficult to tell how exactly one becomes left-handed. Population genetics suggest an inheritable basis, but we can only guess until a specific gene or pathway is discovered.

It has been postulated that becoming left or right handed is random unless a single gene called right-shift (rs) is present. If it is, then a person is more likely to be right-handed. If the birth was stressful or low in weight then there is a higher incidence of being left handed.

As for those that are ambidextrous, we think they are just indecisive.

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What are the best 10 toppings for toast?

Now you're asking, we FAQers love our food and any opportunity to make toast that little bit more lip-smackingly scrumptious then we're up for it!

(Drumroll...) Here's our run down of our official UK toast toppers...

A non-mover at 10 we have an old favourite, simple anchor butter.
Hitting the charts at 9 is the controversial love it hate it marmite.
A childhood favourite is spelling in at number 8, alphabetti spaghetti.
Soulful marmalade is singing those citrus notes at 7.
And another breakfast hit at number 6 - it's the glamorous Scottish heather honey.
Making your heart come alive at number 5, we have good old baked beans (1869 classic tunage).
New entry at 4 with Somerset brie and crispy smoked bacon.
The spicy number 3 spot is hit with cool Philadelphia and hot jalapeno peppers.
Taking it smooth at number 2 is a funky favourite, peanut butter.
The number one slot this week is taken by Eggs; poached, fried or scrambled. We faqing love them! Because eggs always come first...or was that chickens?!

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How much do nappies cost over one baby's lifetime?

Some may find this potty, but as an average, the cost of nappies over a baby's lifetime is estimated to be a massive £800!

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How many words can parrots say?

Two Parrots

Image credit: http://funtimebirdy.files.wordpress.com

What's that bird? How many words can a parrot say? Let me tell you a tale. I once attended a house for a professional home visit. On arriving, I gently knocked on the door and was met with a voice enquiring "who is it?" I identified myself, only for there to be silence. I knocked again "who is it?" - my reply was again simply met with silence.

After the third repetition, I noticed the owner walking up the path to greet me. She chuckled, "I think you've been chatting to my parrot". This FAQer (me) had unwittingly spent 10 twitchy minutes engaging through a letter box with a parrot. When I was finally invited into the house, the parrot was sneering at me from his perch in a condescending, mocking (bird) manner. What a birdbrain I was.

Soaring on, the answer to this FAQ varies greatly on the type of parrot. The main yapper is the African Grey; these can learn to say literally hundreds of words. Our research indicates that the current record word count is in the region of 1000 words and the title is held by a male African Grey parrot named Prudles. Whilst Prudles utters oodles, some parrots are not known as talkers; Macaws are an example of the more silent bird.

Although the parrot I met had only mastered "who is it" (simple bird, snigger) and unfortunately hadn't reached the stage where he could tell me who he was (!) some parrots can actually hold 'intelligent' conversations. Instead of merely imitating, they actually understand what they are saying and are able to use memory and judgment skills.

As well as 'speaking' an array of recognisable words, parrots are also capable of imitating sounds, like ringing telephones or creaking doors. This enhances parrots' popularity as pets. Be warned however, don't divulge your secrets while a parrot is perched in earshot!

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Which is the happiest town in the UK?

Polls indicate that Bournemouth is the happiest town in the UK
(a massive 82% of residents are happy)
The unhappiest town is said to be Walsall in the Midlands
(a meagre 49% are happy)

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Should I go surfing on the weekend?

No, you should go surfing on a surfboard like everyone else.

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I have 36 hours in Singapore... what should I see and do?

Well this FAQer is fortunate to have family living in and near stupendous Singapore so having consulted a FAQing fabulous cousin, she tells me these are the must-sees...

1) Visit Sentosa island. There, you'll also find a Universal Studios at the newly opened Resorts World integrated resort.
2) Visit the Night Safari
3) Visit the Long Bar at Raffles Hotel to try the Singapore Sling.
4) Visit the Singapore Zoo
5) Take a ride on the Singapore Flyer

6) If a spin on the roulette wheel or the KerrChing of fruit machines appeals visit the newly opened Integrated Casinos (IRs) at Marina Bay Sands or at Resorts World (which is in Sentosa itself).

The first three can be accomplished within the same day, while 4, 5 or 6 can accomplished in half a day.The Marina Bay IR is located only a few minutes away from the Singapore Flyer.

For further FAQing information, try this website: www.yoursingapore.com

Bon voyage FAQer!

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What's your favourite colour?

We FAQers love our rainbows with their whole spectrum of colours. To decide one favourite colour though...that's a hard decision. Looks like we must do some revision.

To help us we have a special guest. Look everyone it's Bungle from Rainbow! "You want to ask the audience if they can guess what the FAQers favourite colour is from the following clues?" "Ok, here they are!"

Clues

Monarch butterflies

Tulips

Autumn leaves

Marlin from Finding Nemo

Dawn's early light

Evening skies and setting suns

Doritos - cheesy

Freshly squeezed juice
That big mouth Zippy

Halloween pumpkins

Paddington Bear's favourite sandwich spread

And of course, our Just FAQMe site, so which is it?

Did you guess correctly? Well done if you did!

Yes we favour the FAQing fizzing delight of the colour Orange!

Duck on orange pond

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Australian Standard Rate

I am not sure if my Employer is trying to rip me off. But please give me an idea how much standard pay in AUD is.

Gd Arvo mate. Well, after a somewhat sluggish year for wealth in 2009, Australia's richest FAQers have kangarooed back up and over in style, adding in excess of AUD $21 billion to their collective fortune. Flash as a rat with a gold tooth. In contrast however, most are down under the breadline with the National Minimum Wage having risen to a meagre $15 an hour.

Whether you're being ripped off depends on the type of work you're doing and also the location where you're doing it - neither of which we can tell from the brief FAQs you provided. Research however indicates that the (mean... er... median) average wage is approximately AUD $60,000 for men and AUD $52,000 for women. If you're a Sheila therefore, you're automatically ripped off, unless you're above this then Onya! Either way, our advice is not to let the drongos get you down, any amount is better than a poke in the eye with a hot stick. At least you're having a fair suck of the sav.

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Who took the bite out of the Apple logo?

Image credit: http://creativebits.org

Image credit: http://creativebits.org

It was Rob Janoff, the Art Director of Regis McKenna Advertising who in early 1977 were hired by Steve Jobs to define a new logo and logotype.

According to Rob's own words...the real reason behind the bite is thus...

"I designed it with a bite for scale, so people get that it was an apple not a cherry. Also it was kind of iconic about taking a bite out of an apple. Something that everyone can experience. It goes across cultures. If anybody ever had an apple he probably bitten into it and that's what you get. It was after I designed it, that my creative director told me: "Well you know, there is a computer term called byte". And I was like: "You're kidding!" So, it was like perfect, but it was coincidental that it was also a computer term."

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Which do you like most fish or chips? Is there a cod father?

The COD Father

Well this particular FAQer likes chips more than fish but only because they are so versatile and can accompany almost anything. Can you imagine having fish alongside your roast beef dinner?! There's no plaice for it!

Is there a Cod father? Of course there is! He's called Barry and there's even a film being made about him...

Here's the plot "When five ordinary guys from a Welsh fishing village are offered the deal of a lifetime all hell breaks loose. The plot follows Barry and his friends as they smuggle drugs worth ten million pounds in cod. "

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Is there some sort of bigger picture going on?

I've struggled with this question for years. I don't really believe in god. But I think that there has definitely got to be some sort of bigger picture going on. I once climbed a mountain at 3 in the morning and had this amazing feeling. I'm not even going to go down the meaning of life route.

Are there other people out there who feel like me and have experienced such things?

Jigsaw Universe

Image credit: http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap071021.html

This FAQer has experienced those amazing feelings too. I normally put it down to relief that I haven't plummeted head over heels over the side, the goats haven't trodden or pooed on my head and the realisation that finally I can tuck into those Jammy Dodgers and chocolate I've been saving for the summit.

Others would scoff and say those amazing feelings are just your exertions making you light headed or that those hurricane winds are making you think you can fly but this FAQer agrees with you and believes there is definitely a bigger picture going on and I don't mean at your local IMAX cinema!

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Who is the current president of France?

France traditionally has over 350 varieties of cheese. There is only one big cheese though and his name is Nicholas Sarkozy, President of the French Republic.

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I need a movie – help me please

We suggest you take yourself off to www.movie-list.com.
There's no better place for FAQers like you!
Off you go then...come on... away with you!!!
Shooo!!!

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Do cruise ships have on board prison cells?

I was just thinking, do any cruise ships have a brig? What if some passengers get drunk and violent and they need detaining, there must be a place designed for such an event.

We took this intriguing FAQ and asked a representative from a large cruise ship company. They advised...

'Avast ye landlubber, this be a warning for ye to not partake in too much rum based friskiness and frivolity, or aarrrr ye be clapped in irons me lad and thrown into our rotten, smelly, damp, dark brig!'

Why the rep decided to talk like that, I don't know! Nor does it seem the best advert for their newly refurbished cabins. Oh well, there you have it, yes cruise ships do have prison cells; their own security forces and will then hand you over to the authorities when the ship docks.

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Who is the father of Bangladesh?

Bangabandhu Sheikh Mujibur Rahman.

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Why do women eat less on a date?

Are you sure that you're not just taking your women to the wrong places? Or just dating skinny minnys? You need to get yourself a real woman and take her to a decent eatery.

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Where can I go for some cheap and nice vacations?

Staycations are the new vacations - why not be a tourist in your own town for a few days? Avoid the hassle of packing and holiday at home. Fun, cheap and great for the environment.

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I am confused about my career – what is a good career nowadays?

Smiling Snake

The career for you my dear is to be a 'snake milker'. Milking the reptile's fangs is essential to extract venom, the main ingredient in the serums that cure snakebites.

End your confusion and sign up for this very worthwhile career.

Other weird and wonderful jobs.

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Poker FAQ

Where, when, how did the game of poker originate? Also, which are you most likely to win at, or at least be luckier with, poker or blackjack?

Lady, don't think us gaga but we've poked around high and low and are flushed to say that the exact origins of this game remain unclear. Our foraging was not a total flop however as we can trace it back to 'As Nas', a 16th century Persian card game. When this caught on in Europe, they named it 'poque' or 'pochen'. The game truly developed in the US and was widely played in New Orleans in the early 1800s. During the era of the American Civil War poker spread throughout the western frontier to develop into the game we all know and love today.

To deal with part two of your FAQ, both poker and blackjack are games involving a mixture of luck and skill. To prevent you being dumped in the dog house, keen observation skills are demanded in both. The design of blackjack however is that the House always wins if you play for long enough. Unless you are a skilled card counter, prepare to lose. Poker however involves players playing against each other rather than the House. This means that although there is a luck element, sufficient skill can conquer this. We're not bluffing therefore when we say to avoid looking like a joker, go for the poker.

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Twit ch Tattoo

I have wanted a couple of tattoos for quite a few years now, but timing, finances and such things have prevented it. My question is this - I've heard tattoos are painful, I've also heard they don't hurt at all. Which is it and are there specific places on the body that are supposed to be more or least painful?

Our artistic advice is not to go for a heavy-handed tattooist. Tatty, unskillled tattooists can cause unnecessary trauma to the skin (and you) resulting in a tattoo colour that is too deep and appears blurry after a few months (and you're blurry-eyed after mere moments). Needles aside, that'd be needlessly painful (& to look at.)

Pain is however subjective and, of course, individuals have varying thresholds. Some folk seek high and low (er... very low) to feel the sensation of pain. The tatooed folk we've pinned down report loving the feeling and will say that this is part of the attraction that drags them back for more. Our research indicates that most will say the pain isn't as bad as anticipated and the sensation is in fact just an irritating hot scratch.

Right, to cut to the chase, thou art brave if you opt for a tat in these areas: the ankle/ top of the foot, 'you know where' (esp for men), eyebrows, eyelids, knuckles, anywhere on the spine, kidneys and all the bony areas. Monet away - it hurts! Anywhere else, you should just feel a tickle!

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Zippy is a fictional character on the children's television programme Rainbow. What creature does he represent?

We zipped around to find a zippy answer to this zippy FAQ but our zips will only unzip that zippy represents a zippy. Enough unzipped, our lips are now zipped.

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