What is the point of phosphorescent phytoplankton? Apart from making you glow like the 'Ready Brek man' of course

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Holy Luminous Sea Creatures Batman! What a fiendishly FAQ to research!

There are a few rare experiences in life in which the emotional content is outside logic or a sense of reality, like standing on a vertical mountain ridge with a thousand foot drop on either side or when driving through a rainbow. Another is swimming with phosphorescent phytoplankton.

So what is the point of these performing pincushions of nature? Well they can't help but be born exhibitionists, delighting you in colourful luminescence, making you shed inhibitions, and luring you into a false sense of security.

Imagine the scene... A bunch of you are spending the day at a beach house on an island in the Maldives. After dark, the surf glows blue. None of you have ever seen glow-in-the-dark plankton before. Each wave is a fluorescent blue tube. Every footstep in the damp sand sends a ring of blue light expanding outward.  Up close, the glow sparkles blue points; the individual planktic.  Of course, you all have to go swimming...and find out that the things are about the size of a pinhead, but have tiny little legs? claws? that don't feel too comfortable when they get trapped under a swimsuit; so the suits came off.  Your bodies are outlined in blue light.  When you hold up your arms, flashing blue diamonds cascade down.  It is a magical, memorable experience.

But then you notice the man standing in the surf a few feet away, casting a ten-foot circular net, and hauling in five-foot dog sharks.  You look between your legs, and think "bait", and decide that, magical or not, that's enough skinny-dipping for one night.

Yes indeed, you have to watch out for those phosphorescent phytoplankton types. They might appear harmless, but if you're unlucky the damn sneaky lot of them will have your precious bits glowing too!



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Please remind me what Santa's reindeer are called?

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Is there a song or poem to help me to remember in future?


The only known flying reindeer in the world were endowed with the power of flight by virtue of magic corn given by a great and wonderful wizard. Through this magic corn, the strength of the Reindeer is increased threefold, their stamina increased to infinity and their hooves can manipulate the air as though it were solid ground.

Santa's reindeer first gained celebrity status by the poet Clement Clarke Moore's 1822 poem...

Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Did you know you can track Santa and his reindeers' flightpath? Well, the good folks at NORAD, the North American Aerospace Defense Command can help you out - Visit http://www.noradsanta.org/


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What's the average bedtime for the average adult?

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Oh dear, this particular FAQer was never one for being average and regularly retires after midnight or even later. Now children don't follow my bad example - we should get at least 8 hours of sleep to function properly.

It seems that bedtime for many on workday nights is between 10 and 11pm although for a few shattered souls 9pm is nearer the mark.

Here's a handy tip to get the best kind of kip. When you go to bed, take a deep breath and just relax. Feel your muscles relax. Become one with your mattress.

Yawn...now we're feeling sleepy so we're off to tuck each other into bed, with our hot cocoa and to read each other a lovely bed-time story...Gnight...

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What is the ULTIMATE Christmas movie???

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Although to some this story is an analogy to the debate over U.S. monetary policy in the late 1800s - Dorothy is misled to take the yellow brick road (the gold standard) but is taken home by the silver shoes (the ruby slippers are silver in the book); the cowardly lion is William Jennings Bryan...it cannot be anything else but this marvellously magical movie.

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Is there a fire in my belly?

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It was 'National Curry Week' last week after all!



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Should I sleep with one eye open?

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Yes

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Shower or Bath?

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Water curious faq! We're awash with benefits from both the shower and the bath. Showers are invigorating, quicker and (generally) cheaper. Unless you're niftily recycling your used bath water (for thirsty plants) or sharing with the family, neighbours and dog, in which case this is also a thrifty option.

For us though, the bath is best for total relaxation. As long as we're not talking bed baths. Of course with a bath it's easier to have company; a book or little yellow rubber duck for example! (what did you think we were going to say?!)

We're not only the ones to think this. Just look at all the Spa towns the ancient Greeks, Romans and Turks founded.

The shower is no place to read unless you're used to reading in the rain and have taken the precaution of laminating all the pages. Hmm, that depressingly reminds us of public transport safety notices. No, not conducive to soaking your troubles away at all.

In these frenetic and stressful times we think it's important to make more time for oneself. What better than a steaming hot, relaxing bubble bath surrounded with the warm glow of scented candles.

"What's that, Donald?"
"Quack quack!"

You're so right, we couldn't have said it better ourselves.

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Is there a point to parsnips?

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YES



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Why do smelly feet smell like smelly cheese?

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Cheesy Feet

The quality of foot odour is often reported as a thick, cheesy smell. Some describe the smell like that of malt vinegar. However, it can also be ammonia-like.

Brevibacteria are considered a major cause of foot odour because they ingest dead skin on the feet and, in the process, convert amino acid methionine into methanethiol, which has a sulfuric aroma. The dead skin that fuels this process is especially common on the soles and between the toes.

The brevibacteria is also what gives cheeses such as Limburger, Bel Paese, Port du Salut, and Munster their characteristic pungency.

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Who should be crowned King/Queen of the jungle in this year's 'I'm a celeb...'?

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If this photo doesn't convince you she's an Amazonian Princess-in-Waiting then we don't know what will. This undercover jungle agent was a finalist in last year's ITV song contest and certainly has the X-Factor...


Yes we FAQers think Stacey Solomon deserves to be crowned Queen of the Jungle.
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How many species of great apes are there?

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The great apes are Bonobos, Chimpanzees, Gorillas, Orangutans and Humans (apparently) which makes it five species.


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How slow is a slow worm?

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Slow worms (Anguis_fragilis) look superficially like snakes, but are actually legless lizards. They have eyelids, visible ears, a flat forked tongue and can drop its tail to escape. Snake eyes are lidless.

Adult slow-worms grow to be about 50 cm long and are known for their exceptionally long life; it has been said that a slow-worm is the longest-living lizard, living about thirty years in the wild and up to fifty-four years in captivity.

Contrary to their name, Slow worms are not worms and definitely not slow. In fact, they're pretty speedy and wriggle like a wickedly wriggly thing. Check out this little video...



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How do they put stripes in toothpaste?

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The toothpaste tube is filled with the carrier material, the actual toothpaste, which is usually white, to a certain level. Above that level, the tube is filled with the 'stripe' stuff, which is usually red, blue or green. Both materials are viscous enough so that they don't mix. Now the trick is to let these two substances out separate ways but at the same time. The toothpaste nozzle is not just a hole at the top of the tube. Instead, it is a longish pipe that reaches down the tube just ending at the filling level of the carrier material.


The pipe has small holes in it further up closer to the nozzle. Pressing the tube will cause the carrier material to enter the outlet pipe and press the stripe stuff. The stripe material will enter the outlet pipe through the small holes, which is where the stripes are generated.


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Do you like sprouts?

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YES

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What's your opinion of the student protests and riots over tuition fees?

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Proposed cuts to education and tripling of tuition fees led to an angry 500,000 strong demonstration in early November 2010. Further protests involving sit-ins at UK universities and colleges caused minor disruptions a fortnight later.

Rescinding on pre-election promises is reprehensibly unjust and our view is that everyone has a right to protest - peacefully. We say stand up and be counted. All too often FAQers lie back and grizzle and whinge without taking action and that too is outrageously shameful. Protest, protest and protest some more.

Our view however is that there's never an excuse for violence or crime and as for the person who threw the fire extinguisher from the roof top - shame on you!


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Why do we wear poppies for Remembrance day?

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Poppies are worn to show others that you are remembering those who died for their country. The reason poppies are used is because they are the flowers which grew on the battle fields after World War I ended.

The Royal British Legion safeguards the welfare, interests and memory of those who are serving or who have served in the Armed Forces. They are one of the UK’s largest membership organisations and recognised as custodians of Remembrance. They run the annual Poppy Appeal.

My attempt at drawing Poppies using Facebook Graffiti


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Who's your money on to win X-Factor?

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The X Factor

Who do we think the winner will be this year? Hmm...let's do a quick character appraisal of our wannabe pop stars...here are the final four:

Rebecca - How she transforms from shy Scouser into American-style soulstress is remarkable; a true diva! Certainly one to watch; another potential English sweetheart ready to crack America.

Cher - Cute and perky little rapster. Loving her style; she's true to herself and unique. She delivers mash up magic.

Matt - He reaches the right notes for us FAQers. He can paint and decorate our gaffs any day. A very unassuming lad, but a huge talent. One to watch...and see...and look at...and ogle over. Loving the hats.

One Direction - Talented voices in perfect packages; just what the young ladies need. Fresh faced and representing the new generation.

Our choice
So after much intense and absolutely necessary study of his marvellous assets we think Matt will be the winner. He's the best by far; gorgeous looking, sounds amazing, humble, funny...yes he's definitely got it!


Who's your money on to win X-Factor?

Of course it goes without saying that the one with the Xtra Factor is the gorgeous Dermot. Don't miss your X Factor Live 2011 show tickets here

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Does a duck's quack echo?

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YES

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What's your opinion of people with 6 fingers?

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The condition of supernumeracy fingers (or toes) is called Polydactyly. When each hand has 6 fingers, this is often referred to as sexdactyly, hexadactyly or hexadatylism . Lots of fingers = lots of names. Even though this particular faqer is Westcountry born and bred - from glorious Devon - I am yet (to my knowledge) to meet anyone with 6 fingers on each hand. Therefore, forming a first hand opinion is not easy. I am however 100% certain that as with most 5 fingered folk, there will be both nasty and nice spirited 6 fingered folk.

Instinct leads me to a positive opinion of 6 fingered people. Diversity is wonderful and difference should be welcomed, valued and celebrated. It's the one thing we all have in common.

Anne Boleyn had 6 fingers and they didn't do her any harm - admittedly she ended up with no head, but that was due to alleged witchcraft, adultery and incest, or moreover being married to a murderous faqer. Sadly not everyone respects diversity and some uninformed people use difference as a reason to discriminate. One Orlando-born guy called Domer, was recently barred from a Guitar Hero tournament as it was considered that having 6 fingers gave him an unfair advantage. Madness.

This faqer believes that we should be keenly embracing difference, whatever that might be; six fingers, three legs, two noses or one eye. There's room in the world for it all.

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What's Noddy's dog called?

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Noddy's faithful bounding hound is called dear little Bumpy Dog.


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Why don't kangaroos just walk or run?

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Why walk when you can hop along with a spring in your step? I know I'd rather bounce along than walk - and many agree with me, hence the invention of the 1969 space hopper, jumping balls, pogo sticks and more recently invented leg springs! It's not just kangaroos; rabbits, grasshoppers and frogs are all at it and human folk are willing to pay good money for a hopping experience!

Intriguingly, fossil evidence from 25 million years ago has revealed that kangaroo ancesters did not hop. Since then though they've come on leaps and bounds and can speed along at up to 40mph in short bursts. It's known they can clear an 8 foot fence from a standstill and can leap 20-30 feet forward with ease. Hopping is more energy-efficient than running or galloping. The faster kangaroos hop, the less energy they expend for the same distance. When scientists put kangaroos on treadmills, they discovered that kangaroos maintain a constant number of hops per minute. Regardless of how much the treadmill speeds up, they simply take longer and longer hops.
Kangaroos function much like bouncing balls; bouncing a number of times without a fresh input of energy. Every time a ball hits the ground, some of the energy is shifted to the rubber, stored there, then recycled in an elastic bounce. Jumping kangaroos store 70% of their energy in their tendons, compared to running humans, who can store and reuse only about 20%.
A hopping kangaroo is said to use less energy to breathe than a parked kangaroo. Part of the secret lies in the way the abdominal organs “flop” within the kangaroo’s body. Instead of using muscle power, air is pushed out of the lungs by the impact of the organs against the diaphragm at each landing.

In researching this faq, we stumbled across another pair of interesting faqs! Firstly, kangaroos cannot walk backwards; the physiological structure of their legs and tail prevent this. Secondly, some scientists believe that kangaroos may hold the answers to helping address global warming: it is alleged that kangaroos can't fart! They are thought to be totally trump-less!

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Is it greedy to have 8 shredded wheats for brekkie?

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YES


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Who's better Simon or Louis?

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As today's 1st November, All Saints Day, we donned our halos and sought devine instruction to answer this FAQ. Of course, the term 'better' is very subjective and it depends to what you're referring - Simon is clearly better looking (angelic), has better insight into the music industry and a better perception of what constitutes 'talent'. Louis however, is clearly better at being a Plonker.

So is this assessment of 'betterness' supported by the beatific vision, the eternal and direct visual perception of God?

Er...it would appear not. Oh Lordy! The unsaintly Simon, although meaning 'God has heard', is the Patron Saint of curriers, sawmen and tanners. Yes, that is it. Of course, all worthy trades, but this list is cruxifyingly overshadowed by that of Saint Louis. While Simon is tanning hides, Louis is Patron Saint of the following:

Against the death of children.
Barbers, hairdressers & hairstylers!
Bridegrooms (& difficult marriages, these often go hand in hand)
Button makers, embroiderers, needlework and haberdashers.
Construction workers, builders, stone masons, stone cutters & sculptors.
Crusaders.
Distillers.
Kings.
Parents of large families.
Prisoners.
Sick people.
Soldiers.

Wow! Louis will ensure that you live healthily into your adulthood, that you're well coiffured, that you and your large family have a roof over your head and something to wear. He'll look after you in sickness, war or crime. On this particluar measure therefore, Louis is King.

(But Simon would still be 'better' at tanning my hide any day!)

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